Taking Off The Masks

It seems during our 20s, 30s and even 40s, we all wear masks.  We are so busy trying to start a life, maybe a career or family, raising our children and outdoing each other, whether professionally, financially or personally, that it's not until later in life that we realize we all end up in the same boat, more or less.  It's so liberating to get to a point in life where we can just be ourselves and not struggle to fulfill the "roles" we thought we were supposed to and try and "keep up with the Joneses".  All of us have failed at something.  All of us have succeeded in many aspects of our lives.  We have all endured bumps and heartache along the way.  We all have made mistakes.  We have all learned lessons.  But all of these experiences define who we are today so to change anything is impossible and, therefore, having regrets is useless.  To change even one thing would have altered our path and possibly not provided us with the job we desired or the beautiful children we have.  So I have learned to forgive others for their mistakes and, more importantly, to forgive myself for mine.  Through forgiveness, we have healing and peace.  It's not about right and wrong, fault or blame, but about just letting it all go so we are not filled with bitterness and anger.  Life is just too short for negativity.  Through this process, especially for women, it draws us all closer and to a greater understanding of what true friendship is: an all-accepting, all-forgiving, all-supporting, non-competitive relationship and it fills me with warmth, security, serenity and love.  Wow - that sounded really "hippy" to me.  At this stage in life, however, it doesn't matter; it's how I feel.

Last night I reconnected with Gail, a woman I met years ago when our girls attended the same elementary school.  We acknowledged "knowing" each other but not really ever having a meaningful conversation.  That's because we were busy being moms and we had our masks on, and, therefore, didn't really seem to have much in common.  Or so we thought.   Over dinner, we had easy conversation and discovered we are similar in many ways and while we've experienced a lot of the same things; we've experienced them in very different ways.

As we were talking, I mentioned about the CIBC Run for the Cure and she is hopeful she and her daughter may be able to join us in support of this cause.   Just like that, another friend made.  While we were talking about the walk and how grateful I am at all the support from friends, and from strangers who hopefully will become friends, I mentioned I'm just shy of reaching a fundraising goal that would earn me a beautiful keepsake necklace and that I was prepared to donate to myself in order to reach that goal.  After a yummy dinner and great conversation, we said goodnight and vowed to see each other again, if not for the CIBC walk, then for our own local walk or a visit.  I came home and turned on my email and saw a notification that I'd received a donation and indeed reached that fundraising goal.  I checked to see who had donated.  It was Gail!  With tears and a smile, I called to thank her and tell her that meant a lot to me.  We agreed it was easy taking our masks off with each other.

Before dinner, I'd spent the day with Tracey, a woman I've known for over 20 years, who has become a very close friend over the past couple of years.  There are no masks on either of us and we have bared our souls to each other on many occasions.  Tracey is a friend I trust and love with all my heart.   Our "stories" are very similar and so we totally understand each other, from what we're thinking to food cravings.  During my recovery from surgery, while I'm more than able to visit with friends, I'm not so able to do a lot of the daily physical things we all take for granted and even complain about, things like changing sheets and vacuuming.  Tracey did all this and more for me.  Then we had a blast shopping for "pink" for Sunday's walk at the VV Boutique.  She had a craving for samosas so, being the good friend I am, I joined her in devouring that treat.  Didn't take much arm-twisting actually.  But then again, it never does.  I think we're the only two grown women who crave Filet-O-Fish sandwiches and both like it with extra tartar sauce and ketchup.  We drink green tea with it just so we can justify it being a healthy meal.  Yup, that's definitely a mask off!