Breast Cancer? Me?

Everyday, strangers ask, "How are you?"  We say, "Fine."  What I feel like saying now is, "Well, except for breast cancer, I'm good, thanks."   I have spent the last few years trying to improve myself, emotionally, spiritually and physically, including tons of working out and outdoor activities.  I've never smoked but I do enjoy the occasional glass of wine...Shiraz or cabernet sauvignon (for those who may drop by and wonder what to bring).  Being subtle has never been my strong point.

While having a shower on July 8th, I felt a lump in my left breast.  Well, not the orange pit-sized lump I'd heard about in commercials, but a mass larger than a golf ball.  I couldn't believe it.  I felt it again and again.  I lay on my back on my bed and checked one more time.  Yup, it was huge and hard.  It didn't hurt.  I couldn't breathe.  I wondered, "Could it be cancer?"  No, I thought, there's no history in my family at all so it's probably just a cyst or something.  Besides I just climbed The Chief in Squamish six days before so I know I'm healthy.

The next morning, I met my friend, Tracey, as we were going to go to the Caribbean Festival.  I told her I needed to stop at the clinic, that I was sure it was nothing but that I'd found a lump in my breast.  She looked scared.  The doctor checked my breast and said there is a large mass and asked if he could aspirate.  I'm good with words but I had no idea that was a nice medical term for sticking a needle into my breast just behind my nipple!  He said based on the colour of the fluid withdrawn, he could tell a lot about what the mass might be.  I agreed, of course, hoping it would be the right colour, whatever that was.  He was pretty quiet and I said, "What colour was it?  Is everything okay?"  He said, "I'm sorry.  There was no fluid at all."  I thought to myself, that can't be good news and it turns out I was right.  He said he would have the hospital call me and I'd need to have a mammogram and ultrasound right away.  I looked at Tracey and said, "Well, I wonder what I'll look like bald."  She was more upset than I was!  I was just numb.  Not wanting to ruin the day, we went to the Festival and it was like walking through a fog.  I did manage to buy a $3 pair of really cute earrings, though, sure that fun bling can fix anything!

I called my family doctor on Monday and on Tuesday, I was in his office.  I was met with, "Well, hello, hello, hello," his predictable greeting that everyone adores.   I explained what had happened so far and was now looking at his concerned face, furrowed brows and all.  He said he wanted me to have those tests done ASAP.

Prior to all this happening, some friends had planned to go out to see Nearly Neil perform at a local pub.  That night, I met, for the first time, Jenn, who had a bandage visible on her chest.  I thought she was trying to quit smoking.  Didn't know "the patch" goes on your arm.  Turns out she'd just been for a lumpectomy.  She was still frozen and came out as planned.  I couldn't help but think, "What a coincidence.  Why did she have hers done the same day she went to the doctor and I had to wait?"  Better doctors?  Less likely hers was cancer?  More likely mine was?  My mind was racing but I was determined to just put a smile on my face and not worry prematurely.  Easier said than done!  Too many drinks and some great laughter made it go away for a few hours.

July 21st was mammogram/ultrasound day.   I took my friend, Sabrina, with me to the appointment for support.  You see, she is the "Ethel" to my "Lucy".  I'm the harebrained one that gets into mischief and she is my sidekick, going along with the fun, but making sure we are safe in the end.  I went in for the mammogram first and that was very uncomfortable, more so than the last time, which it turns out was in 2007.  My fault.  Just other heavy stuff going on in my life at the time and I just didn't think about it.

Then the ultrasound.  When the technician says, "I don't know how to read these things so I'll just go get the doctor," it's never good news.  The doctor was very young and very sweet.  He said he could tell one way or the other from the testing if I had cancer or not.  He asked if I'd like to know.  Well, figuring he would have just said it wasn't if it weren't, I knew it was.  I said, "Yes, please tell me.  I'm going away on the weekend and want to know if I should just not come back."  He said, "Yes, you have breast cancer."  "What?  Wow."   I asked if he could somehow squeeze the mass out through my nipple like a pimple through the skin.  Yup, the humour was kicking in already.  That was my response, followed by, "Can you please go get my friend from the waiting room?  Her name is Ethel.  I mean Sabrina."  In came Ethel, tears a-flowing.  Turns out he told her outside the room that her friend has breast cancer.  We listened to what the doctor had to say in shock and horror and then when he left the room had a private meltdown.  My sweet friend was so upset I did the driving.  Funny how that works.  It's always the ones around us who are hurt the most.  She said, "There's no Ethel without Lucy."  Poor thing.

We went to my parents' house, as we were picking up a suitcase for our adventure.  I had assumed I would go for testing and my doctor would tell me the results later.  I never expected it to be so obvious they could tell from an ultrasound.  The doctor said he would not have told me if he weren't 100% sure.  So we walked into my parents' house and they asked how the appointment went.  We all sat in the living room and I had to tell them the news.  My mom was shocked.  My dad, well, he was silent and then proceeded to give us a lesson on how to use the suitcase.  It was all so surreal.

I had one meltdown on the trip and that was because my left breast wouldn't fit into my bathing suit top without some help and I thought that breast looked so much larger than the other.  I finally get cleavage and it's because I have a tumour!  My sweet friend and roommate on the trip, Tracey, helped me through that teary episode.  Let's just say there was a lot of alcohol drank that day.  Well, I only had one Long Island iced tea and two beers...that I recall...'nuf said on that one.  What happens in Vegas stays there, right?