Sleepless Nights to Nippled Treats

It's kind of like just before giving birth.  You're really tired but you just can't sleep in anticipation of what's to come.  Unfortunately, what's to come now isn't nearly as rewarding and sweet as delivering a precious baby girl.

I find lately the smallest decisions stress me out.  Making simple phone calls are difficult.  Choosing what shoes to wear turns into a crisis.  I sweat and heat up like a hot flash but I'm post-menopausal.  At 2:00 a.m., I tried to figure out what it was that was keeping me awake.  It could have been the three two-bite cupcakes I ate watching the 11 o'clock news.  No, that's not unusual these days.  It could have been the excitement of seeing my friends tomorrow for lunch.  No, fortunately, that's not unusual these days either.

 Maybe it was the phone call I got from the Cancer Clinic confirming 'THE" appointment next week.  THAT'S IT!  I kept thinking of all the possibilities.  This is the appointment where I find out what "stage" I'm at, what chemo and radiation therapy I will face, basically all the stuff I'm going to go through. I'm just about six weeks post-mastectomy and healed enough for the next treatment.  TeeTee will be with me at the two-hour appointment, taking notes and holding my hand every step of the way.  We've agreed it's the not knowing that's the hardest part.

At about midnight when I was ready to go to sleep, the crazy thoughts went through my head.  "What ifs" are only natural, I suppose, but I try not to go there too often.  I always think about what the worst possible scenario could be.  Well, of course, I've already got past that because I survived the surgery.  So now what?  I've been told so many different things from different people who have "been there" but they've all assured me every single person's journey is different and specific to each woman.  There are just two things in common it seems: we are all women and we all have breast cancer.

I finally fell asleep and slept for four hours. I decided to just give up trying and got out of bed, grateful to face another day.  I was able to enjoy the lunch with my "breast" friends.  Everyone brought food and it was all delicious!  Madison sent along some home-baked cupcakes, some frosted in pink with sprinkles and the rest with large chocolate chip nipples!  Now, that's what I'm shooting for (see my blog I'm the Queen and this is Latifah).  My friends brought so many bouquets that I could open a flower shop!  We shared food, conversation and love.  It seems the thoughtfulness and generosity of my friends is limitless.

 
I will keep myself busy until "THE" appointment to keep my mind off the reality of the gravity of my situation.  I will continue to put one foot in front of the other and take one day at a time.  No matter what I am told by the oncologist (still choking on that word) I know that I have an army of friends who will be by my side helping me cope with everything.  And for that, I am forever thankful.  Goodnight.  I hope I can sleep.

Me, Nadine, Elanna, Isabel and Adele

My Breast Friends displaying our Nippled Treats!