Giving It My Breast Shot: On MY Terms

When I was given my first chemotherapy treatment, along with a zillion other pieces of information about the side effects, I was told that I would for sure, 100% guaranteed, lose my hair on the 14th day after being flooded with these chemicals. There's not a similar assurance about losing other body hair but definitely the hair on my head. While being bald never bothered me much, comforted in the knowledge I may be rewarded with the re-growth being curly or red or something different, the fact that I could wake up to clumps or my whole hair mass on my white pillowcase or the fact that I could wash my hair and have a big chunk in my hand freaked me out. Neither of those options appealed to me in the least so after waking up a few nights in a row, turning on the lamp to check my pillowcase, I decided I wanted to be proactive in this one matter.

Having cancer makes me feel very vulnerable and quite helpless when it comes to my care. I had to accept the fact I had to undergo a mastectomy, port insertion surgery, invasive tests and now chemotherapy. I have to accept that I even have cancer and that I can't do all the things I want to do. But I don't have to wait anxiously for the day my hair falls out. So I decided to gather some friends and invite my hairdresser, Michelle, who is also a friend, to my place for a head-shaving event.

Michelle arrived in her apron, ready for action. She squeezed me between two clients and I so appreciated her coming to me. Michelle is one of those people we all wish we could be more like. She is kind, caring, sweet, funny and very straight-to-the-point honest. She's like a breath of fresh air in my life and I have come to love her over the years. I first met her when my oldest daughter was to graduate high school. She did an amazing job and has been my hairdresser ever since. She made us all feel like princesses on that special day and I'll never forget the experience.

I sat on a chair with my friends and parents surrounding me. I always wondered what I'd look like in a mohawk, you know, like those crazy fans at football games, so we started with the sides. I figured I'm not likely to shave my head again so may as well make some fun out of it. The sensation and vibration around my ears was weird. We stopped at intervals to laugh out loud and shed a couple of tears. Everyone told me I would look great and rock the bald look. That's what friends are for. I wasn't so sure. Of course, I have the world's best toque and hat collection now (see blog - The Epic and Unforgettable Pinkness in Pitt Party).

Photos were taken and encouraging words spoken. Michelle was busy at her task and making sure not to shave me "to the wood" as I have a bit of a rash reaction from the chemotherapy drugs. She said she'd leave me with a layer of fuzz so as not to open any of the bumps on my scalp and I agreed that I could handle waking up to a little fuzz in my bed. However, if I wake up to two eyebrows on my pillowcase that could be strange. I picture them as two arches as though they transferred from my face in their current state onto my pillow.

Mohawk achieved. I've been dyeing my hair for so long I didn't realize how grey my whole head really is underneath. Apparently a mohawk doesn't lie!

With the sides gone, it was time to take the middle strip off. I was drawn into Nadine's eyes and we both shed a tear or two over that. It was a very touching moment between good friends. All I could think about was how lucky I am to have a chance to beat my disease and I'm so worried about her losing her beloved husband to his cruel ALS and what all that will mean to them both.

I could see TeeTee wiping tears from behind her camera. There were smiles and "those eyes" all around me, the eyes people look at you with when they feel bad for you. It all turned to laughter and compliments very quickly. Can't keep me or my friends down for long!

Once I was completely clean-shaved, I let everyone touch my head. It is prickly and soft all at the same time. I actually don't mind the way I look hairless and after having a shower and realizing how much maintenance hair is, I may just enjoy the break.