In The Presence Of True Love

Yesterday was a day to remember forever.  It was the first day I woke up without a headache and I was bursting with energy.  My day got off to a great start with a visit from my friend, Holly, who brought me a London Fog tea, lovely soap and lotion, together with generous donations for my fundraiser.  When she left, I rested for a bit as I was looking forward to a great afternoon with more amazing friends.

My buddy, Erin, had invited me to join her family on a visit out to UBC where she was having a science fair.  I haven't seen Erin since August and have really missed her smile, energy and love.  Little did I know I was in for a lesson in true love.  As Mike, Nadine, Nadine's mom, Sheila, and I all headed to Vancouver for our time with Erin, including meeting her teachers, boss/friend and other friends in class, I could tell it was going to be a special day.

Mike and I sat in the middle row of my van, which Nadine drove, and Sheila rode shotgun.  There was a lot of laughter, as always, when we get together but there was something underlying all that cheer.  There was an unspoken love among us all.  Nadine and I have a solid, caring, loving friendship.  I adore her mom and she treats me with the utmost of respect and kindness.  I've pretty much always just had a friendship with Mike more like "he's my friend's husband" but since we've both been diagnosed with scary things (he has ALS) I feel our friendship has evolved.  We share things about our illnesses and have a sort of understanding between us.  I have maintained all along I'm so lucky to have the possibility of a cure and I only wish I could share my chemo with Mike and it would make him better.

The silent love that was felt with tremendous force was the love between Mike and Nadine.  She helped him on and off with his sweater, almost like a mother helps a child who just can't do it, but with obvious respect and patience for her husband.  She made sure he had a drink when he was dry.  She even sacrificed her lipstick so he could make a correction on the men's bathroom wall.  It was difficult to see Mike try to shake hands with people who didn't understand his limitations but he was very gracious with everyone.  He shared with me how his emotions are basically out of his control.  I assured him he's just getting in touch with his feminine side.  Another laugh with an undertone of reality that's just too sad.  Since Mike and I agree it's better to laugh than to cry, that's what we do.  We deal with everything with sarcasm and humour while understanding the truth of the gravity of our illnesses.  Nadine always handles situations with endless grace and concern for others and never have I seen her more composed and "in the moment".  Her focus was making sure Mike was okay every minute while still taking in the praise all of "Erin's people" had for her.  I was bursting with pride for Erin as though she were my own daughter so I can only imagine what her family was thinking.  I don't think it's anything new for any of us to see her be successful and cherished but to hear it from her professors, advisors, fellow students, boss and friends was amazing.  She is a great young woman who is going to be one awesome teacher.  Children and their parents will be lining up to request to be in her class for sure.

Nadine and I also talked about how some people say things to us that we don't understand.  We get that they're meaning well and think they're showing concern but when we're tired, we don't need to be told we look tired.  That doesn't help.  There are people who always look at us with "those eyes", the doe-like ones that we know mean they care but show sadness and confirm we are dealing with situations that are completely out of our control.  As much as we need your support and love, we can't handle pity or despair.  We both deal with these comments by diverting the subject.  We have learned to do that very well.  We can discuss how tired we are or how distraught in private, not in the middle of a mall or during a fitness class.

It was great to see where Erin lives so I can picture in my mind where she is when we are on Facebook.  Mike, Nadine and Sheila all brought her groceries and other things she requested, like a family would to support family in university.  Erin shared some of her Halloween stash with us...mmm...Reese's pieces.

We went off to her science fair to check out her project, which was impressive.  We dropped her off with all her gear and looked for a parking spot.  This was an adventure.  I realized too late that Nadine was driving down the wrong side of a boulevard and then realized it wasn't even a road but a "pedestrian area".  Not sure how many tickets or points that would have garnered but it explained why there were no other vehicles on the path.  After driving around in circles and backing out of dead-ends, we spotted parking about a half-block from where we started.  There's a running joke about Mike's driving into a soccer parking lot in years gone by, on two wheels and going way too fast because his daughter was a little late.  Mike really enjoyed heckling Nadine for all her wrong-way driving on sidewalks.  That was hilarious!

After a wonderful visit, we headed home.  The drive back was just as funny as the trip there.  I will always cherish that afternoon and look forward to spending as much time with the Sands family as possible.  It is my great honour to call them my friends, or as Erin kept assuring people, "she's family".  That's how they make me feel, like family.  They have all loved me through so much already and we will go forward loving each other through all of lives' ups and downs...just like a family should.



From back to front:  Sheila, Mike, me, Erin and Nadine