A Night to Remember

Trying to keep me as stress-free as possible, my friends rallied together to throw a fundraiser for me to help me through the financial reality of my situation.  I am self-employed and, therefore, unemployed so they took up the cause of keeping me independent and comfortable in my world, near them and my cancer clinic.  Words cannot describe the feeling I had throughout the night as one by one people came up to me to share stories of how they've been touched by cancer, who they were related to or friends with and how they just came to uplift and support me.  There was a huge turnout and I think half were complete strangers to me at the beginning of the night.  By the time the night was done, however, each and every one of their faces will remain forever etched in my memory bank.

TeeTee was definitely at the helm, making sure everything ran smoothly.  I could see she was frazzled at times and certainly run off her feet most of the night.  But she didn't quit.  She never does.  She held everything together and really put on a great event.  She didn't do it completely alone, of course, and I saw Lori and her husband, Rick, selling 50/50 tickets.  There were young people there helping them as well.  I know a lot of others chipped in to help make this event successful on the night.  The people I know helped (and I'm sorry if I've missed you) are Sabrina (aka Ethel) for making beautiful tickets and helping on the night, Catherine, Taylor, Amber and Kayla who all sold raffle tickets, spiky head sticks and handed out prizes, as well as Michelle and Don (aka Heather and Dave from Boobapalooza in Whistler) who sold silent auction tickets.  It was definitely a team effort captained by the enthusiastic TeeTee.

Then there were those who shaved their heads to raise funds and make me feel like there were other baldies so I wouldn't be alone.  Leanne went first.  She sat beside me and we held hands while our beautiful friend and mutual hairdresser, Michelle, shaved her head in the virtual darkness of the pub.  There were only flashing coloured disco lights to work under but Michelle rose to the occasion.  As tears flowed down Leanne's face, I looked out into the crowd and saw her daughter, Carrisa, was crying as well.  Her husband, Doug, was filming the event and seemed pretty pleased with how beautiful his wife looked bald.  She is very pretty with hair but there's something about a woman who can pull off the bald look.  This was a very emotional evening for Leanne, as it's close to the six-year anniversary of the passing of her dear friend, "Miss Yvonne", from the same disease I'm battling.  I could feel the pain, love and loss through Leanne and my heart broke for her.  I was very touched by her gesture.  She also managed to raise a lot of pledges as a bonus.

Next was my cousin's husband, Nigel.  Liane and Nigel travelled from the Island just so they could be part of my night.  They stayed in the local hotel in town and we had an opportunity to visit before, during and after the fundraiser.  Nigel is one year clear from his battle with and victory over stomach cancer.  I had gone to the Island to run with him for the first time post-treatment and was honoured to spend that special time with him.  He said he'd come to run with me when I'm ready.  In the meantime, he showed his support not only by attending but by shaving his hair.  While he didn't have a lot of hair, it was powerful for me that he would shave his hair after just growing it back in from his bout with chemotherapy.  He and Liane have been extremely supportive throughout my battle, offering experience and love.

Then it was time for the youngest supporter, Taylor.  She is TeeTee's almost-20-year-old daughter.  She had beautiful hair.  I know most young women would never consider shaving their heads as hair identifies a young woman's look.  Not Taylor.  What identifies Taylor is her beautiful outlook on life.  She is wise beyond her years and would never hesitate to give anything she could to make someone else's life a little easier.  Like mother like daughter.  I've known Taylor her whole life and while she always surprises me with her maturity as well as her goofy humour, I've never felt so bonded to her than in that moment as she had her friends shave strips of hair from her head.  She also raised a lot of pledges for my benefit.  Her friends are young and very generous.  A couple of her friends went out of their way to introduce themselves to me and I realized how incredibly generous and kind they are.

Last but not least was Mark.  He is the husband of my friend, Susie.  I met Mark only a couple of years ago but I have known Susie forever.  Susie and I met on the Seabus on our way to work one day and have been friends ever since.  During Mark's head shaving one of the songs I love to bop to was playing and I got my second wind.  I was holding his hand like all the others while they lost their hair and the music gave me energy.  I was singing and dancing while seated and that was really fun.  The young girls there were laughing at me and recording me so I'm thinking I could be a You Tube sensation that goes viral.  Mark told me Susie would banish him to the guest room till his hair grew back (and of course I offered him a warm blanket) but once she saw him hairless, she quite liked it so I think it's all good.

Paul was our deejay and really did a great job.  He had everyone dancing and laughing all night.  He was very sweet and said he'd do anything he could to help me.  The pub made a generous donation to the cause as well and made the night very special overall.  Steve, the owner, said he was happy to support me.  Wow.

There were raffle prizes and many creative ways to raise money to help me.  While I was completely humbled and thankful for the financial assistance, it was the outpouring of love from friends, family and complete strangers that overwhelmed and overjoyed me.  It truly was a night to remember.

Jane, Liane, Nigel (with hair) and me

Jenn and her mom

Beautiful Susie

Great Friends Eric and Joan

Michelle (aka Heather) and Christine - "Bosom Buddies"

Mike and me

Me with TeeTee

Deejay Paul, me and Lori (in our survivor scarves)

Leanne being shaved by Michelle

Amber cutting Taylor's ponytail off!

Nigel having his head shaved by Michelle

Mark, Nigel, Steve (pub owner), me, Leanne and Taylor

Rejoicing in Our Baldness!

In The Presence Of True Love

Yesterday was a day to remember forever.  It was the first day I woke up without a headache and I was bursting with energy.  My day got off to a great start with a visit from my friend, Holly, who brought me a London Fog tea, lovely soap and lotion, together with generous donations for my fundraiser.  When she left, I rested for a bit as I was looking forward to a great afternoon with more amazing friends.

My buddy, Erin, had invited me to join her family on a visit out to UBC where she was having a science fair.  I haven't seen Erin since August and have really missed her smile, energy and love.  Little did I know I was in for a lesson in true love.  As Mike, Nadine, Nadine's mom, Sheila, and I all headed to Vancouver for our time with Erin, including meeting her teachers, boss/friend and other friends in class, I could tell it was going to be a special day.

Mike and I sat in the middle row of my van, which Nadine drove, and Sheila rode shotgun.  There was a lot of laughter, as always, when we get together but there was something underlying all that cheer.  There was an unspoken love among us all.  Nadine and I have a solid, caring, loving friendship.  I adore her mom and she treats me with the utmost of respect and kindness.  I've pretty much always just had a friendship with Mike more like "he's my friend's husband" but since we've both been diagnosed with scary things (he has ALS) I feel our friendship has evolved.  We share things about our illnesses and have a sort of understanding between us.  I have maintained all along I'm so lucky to have the possibility of a cure and I only wish I could share my chemo with Mike and it would make him better.

The silent love that was felt with tremendous force was the love between Mike and Nadine.  She helped him on and off with his sweater, almost like a mother helps a child who just can't do it, but with obvious respect and patience for her husband.  She made sure he had a drink when he was dry.  She even sacrificed her lipstick so he could make a correction on the men's bathroom wall.  It was difficult to see Mike try to shake hands with people who didn't understand his limitations but he was very gracious with everyone.  He shared with me how his emotions are basically out of his control.  I assured him he's just getting in touch with his feminine side.  Another laugh with an undertone of reality that's just too sad.  Since Mike and I agree it's better to laugh than to cry, that's what we do.  We deal with everything with sarcasm and humour while understanding the truth of the gravity of our illnesses.  Nadine always handles situations with endless grace and concern for others and never have I seen her more composed and "in the moment".  Her focus was making sure Mike was okay every minute while still taking in the praise all of "Erin's people" had for her.  I was bursting with pride for Erin as though she were my own daughter so I can only imagine what her family was thinking.  I don't think it's anything new for any of us to see her be successful and cherished but to hear it from her professors, advisors, fellow students, boss and friends was amazing.  She is a great young woman who is going to be one awesome teacher.  Children and their parents will be lining up to request to be in her class for sure.

Nadine and I also talked about how some people say things to us that we don't understand.  We get that they're meaning well and think they're showing concern but when we're tired, we don't need to be told we look tired.  That doesn't help.  There are people who always look at us with "those eyes", the doe-like ones that we know mean they care but show sadness and confirm we are dealing with situations that are completely out of our control.  As much as we need your support and love, we can't handle pity or despair.  We both deal with these comments by diverting the subject.  We have learned to do that very well.  We can discuss how tired we are or how distraught in private, not in the middle of a mall or during a fitness class.

It was great to see where Erin lives so I can picture in my mind where she is when we are on Facebook.  Mike, Nadine and Sheila all brought her groceries and other things she requested, like a family would to support family in university.  Erin shared some of her Halloween stash with us...mmm...Reese's pieces.

We went off to her science fair to check out her project, which was impressive.  We dropped her off with all her gear and looked for a parking spot.  This was an adventure.  I realized too late that Nadine was driving down the wrong side of a boulevard and then realized it wasn't even a road but a "pedestrian area".  Not sure how many tickets or points that would have garnered but it explained why there were no other vehicles on the path.  After driving around in circles and backing out of dead-ends, we spotted parking about a half-block from where we started.  There's a running joke about Mike's driving into a soccer parking lot in years gone by, on two wheels and going way too fast because his daughter was a little late.  Mike really enjoyed heckling Nadine for all her wrong-way driving on sidewalks.  That was hilarious!

After a wonderful visit, we headed home.  The drive back was just as funny as the trip there.  I will always cherish that afternoon and look forward to spending as much time with the Sands family as possible.  It is my great honour to call them my friends, or as Erin kept assuring people, "she's family".  That's how they make me feel, like family.  They have all loved me through so much already and we will go forward loving each other through all of lives' ups and downs...just like a family should.



From back to front:  Sheila, Mike, me, Erin and Nadine