My latest tumour called a schwannoma, which is benign, thank
goodness, presents challenges I didn't think I'd ever have to face. After meeting with Dr. Bristol, my sixth
surgeon, it reminded me of meeting with Dr. Creedon, who performed my mastectomy
in 2011. When Dr. Creedon uttered the
words "triple negative breast cancer" and explained how horrible that
was, I went blank for a minute or two, the room went white and everything just
paused. TeeTee took a deep breath, sat
back in her chair so I wouldn't see her pale face and teary eyes and rubbed my
back. Well, it was a similar feeling
when Dr. Bristol said, "You have to be prepared for the possibility you
may never run again." I cried,
Susie sighed heavily and rubbed my back.
Dr. Bristol went on to discuss the options. If I leave the tumour in, it will continue to
cause me 24-hour-a-day pain, the tumour will grow and some day could rupture the
sciatic nerve which is the worst thing, as repair would be impossible. The only way to be sure if it's a good idea
to have the surgery is to have the surgery.
He will do his best to not have to "sacrifice anything
important" so I don't end up with drop foot and a variety of other
mobility impairment issues. But until he
goes in, he can't say for sure. Susie
reminded me I've not complained much throughout all my medical problems but
this pain I mention frequently. So after
lengthy discussion with the surgeon, it was decided we will go ahead with the
procedure. I'm on a cancellation list
but the soonest the surgery will happen without a cancellation is about March. He then went on to suggest that since I want
to run my first half-marathon and since running can't injure my leg further,
grow the tumour or rupture the nerve, that perhaps I'd like to wait for the
surgery until after the run so in the event I can never run again after the
surgery, I will at least have attained that milestone I've worked towards.
He then dropped a bombshell.
He has to give me all the possibilities, of course, I get that, but he
actually said it's happened before, only once in his career, that although the
biopsy showed the tumour to be benign, sometimes once they surgically remove
and actually send the tumour for biopsy, it comes back malignant. This would require removal of the entire
nerve and would be, well, unthinkable.
So we just won't go there and hope that the original diagnosis is
correct.
I have been very upset by this latest news, saying things
like, "While I don't need my breasts anymore, I kind of need my
legs." I've thought about all this
information over the weekend and have decided to get the surgery done as soon
as possible. Leanne said she'll push me
in a wheelchair in the half-marathon, if necessary, or we will just set our
sights on the Fall Classic once I'm healed and re-trained. So damn it all, I'm going to forge ahead and
get 'er done. My leg has been quite
tender from the needle biopsy and was aggravated by Dr. Bristol's tapping on
the tumour on Friday but I have decided to ignore that and get my runners
on! Leanne and I are running tomorrow
morning whether my leg likes it or not.
I'm not sure how far we'll get but it will feel so good to try.
Most people say "one day at a time" but I'm changing that to literally "one step at a time" for as long as these legs will carry me.
